Alice

2012-02-11T10:07:00.001-08:00

22 things I would like to do before I'm 23. (bit of a cheat, started writing the list in Dec, strikes are things I've completed!)

22 things I would like to do before I’m 23

1. Leave love notes in books at the book shop

2. ~~Sew something~~

3. ~~Visit Groombridge Place~~

4. ~~Work around books~~

5. Learn how to use my Diana F+ camera

6. ~~Get in touch with one old friend~~

7. Watch It’s a Wonderful Life

8. If I like it, do it. If I don’t, don’t.

9. ~~Fill 10 days of my star chart~~

10. Go to the National Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition

11. Go somewhere for a day without telling anybody / Go somewhere new

12. Find a new hobby

13. Read a series/trilogy

14. Plan milly’s hen party

15. Help someone with more significant problems

16. Organise going to Japan

17. Sort my bridesmaid dress

18. Post things to all my friends

19. Lend someone a book I love

20. Update my ipod

21. Organise a social event

22. Remember to stay independent. You don’t need boys. This means, stop trying to be someone else’s perfect.

2012-01-01T15:40:00.001-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS
- it's going to be a great one. We deserve it.

2011-12-18T10:28:00.001-08:00

word of the day.

2011-12-18T10:16:00.001-08:00

2011-12-17T17:12:00.000-08:00

i think my problem is that i find it extremely difficult to let people in, and when i do, i attach a little piece of myself to them somehow, so that when the time comes for letting go, its even more of a struggle...even if i never intended to let them in in the first place.

tricky.

2011-12-08T09:23:00.000-08:00

Praying everything comes together soon. Today I lost my second job in just over a month, for one reason or another.

Something seriously has to give soon.

For Liane

2011-12-05T15:19:00.001-08:00

Hello!

(because I know you're creeping on me!)

x

2 nice things from Friday

2011-12-03T04:52:00.000-08:00

1. I stroked an owl and felt really happy

2. I baked Tim a birthday cheesecake

2011-12-01T15:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I read what other people say about their lives, I think they sound so amazing and perfect and glamourous. I think things like 'wow, they're sitting in their perfect bed, patiently and quietly reading their book, listening to tinkly music and ignoring their phone. They must just be so content.' I think this because I often try really hard to achieve this perfect state of serenity. I can put on plinky plonky music, change my sheets, hide my phone and get into bed and sit to read my book but feel complete panic.

Panic perhaps because it is NOT serene. There are still 1001 things going through my head, and I find it incredibly hard to focus on the page. The more I think about how perfect it should be, the less perfect it is.

So then I start thinking, and its quite comforting, that the person that I have read about, or envision in my head is perhaps not reading at all, and instead they are pretending and they too have 1001 things buzzing in their brain, but because I'm not in it, I don't know...if that makes sense. If they were to read about me sitting in my bed studying away at my novel, they might think MY life is peaceful and serene.

So then I get to thinking...what if someone was to write about my life from an outside perspective, without all the head thoughts and heart skips...they'd probably think it was quite cushty. I do really lovely things which should make me happy, and I have really lovely friends who DO make me happy. I only really do things that I want to do, ever. Because I'm set in my ways.....and my friend louise told me, 'if it makes you happy, do it. If it doesnt, dont.' and I think I took that a bit too literally.

SOOOOOOOO...then I thought if I find at least 2 things (because that's easy) that make me happy every day and try and write them down (although I know I wont every day, but its ok to write in my head because that's where all this happens anyway) then perhaps when I look back, from an outside perspective of my present self (you get me?!) then I will think...'Boy, I had it made, doing all those wonderful things and not thinking any bad thoughts...'

and that might be quite nice.

So anyway. The point of this was...here are 2 nice things that happened to me today, with photo evidence

Harry and I went on a really long walk in the rain, which is the first walk I've been on in ages and had a really great chat about lots of things. We also tried to work out how to use my Diana F+ camera, which has been in it's box for a year and a half, poor thing. We gave up to drink tea and eat roasted pumpkin seeds. I love going to Harry's house because it reminds me of growing up and I can wear two kinds of tartan and a raggy boy's jumper and everyone just smiles at me, instead of thinking I'm mental. It makes me nostalgic. In a great way.

This is my first ever chocolate advent calendar. Me and Louise bought each other one this year, a) because I'd never had one, and b) because we don't have boyfriends and thought, well....why don't friends just do this stuff because its nice. Like, if I would go out of my way to do something nice for my boyfriend, why wouldn't I do that for my friends? Anyway, we gave them to each other about 2 weeks ago and probably have text each other every day saying how excited we are for 1st December.

I ate my chocolate for breakfast like I know you're supposed to do, wrote my Christmas cards and put some candy canes in milk bottles for the doorstep.

Now who could complain about either of these things?

For Kim

2011-12-01T11:47:00.000-08:00

I promise I will write my blog. For you. Even if I have nothing to say!

Like right now.

I have nothing to say!!

2011-11-10T14:42:00.001-08:00

sometimes you need the props pulled from under your feet so you can discover what is rock and what is sand.

definitely. x

2011-10-14T16:49:00.001-07:00

Some good words.

2011-09-09T05:16:00.001-07:00

'If I could beg every young woman (without sounding like I’m giving a valedictorian speech) to do one thing, it would be to go somewhere alone. It doesn’t have to be South America or a kibbutz in Israel or the Peace Corps. Buy a bus ticket, hop in the car, jump on the train and get off at a place that is at least an hour from where you live. Talk to a stranger, take them for coffee, wander around and buy yourself a souvenir. Get lost for a day. Please don’t take a self-portrait picture of yourself to later put on Facebook so that you can show people how adventurous you are, if you can help it. This precious moment is yours and yours alone and for once something belongs to no one else but you.'

-taken from Hellogiggles.com (my new favourite thing)

Bits from my Book (6)

2011-09-07T03:22:00.000-07:00

What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.

JD Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

2011-09-06T13:37:00.000-07:00

I havn't written here since February. My whole self is in a bit of a muddle at the moment. I havn't felt myself in a while, I have no inspiration, no drive. My boyfriend has just told me I'm not the girl he fell in love with, and he's right. I havn't spent any time doing the things I love and therefore have lost interest in almost everything. There's no quick fix and I don't know if he'll stick around, but I'm determined to get myself back to normal - write, potter, read, photograph, learn, laugh, not just do what people want because its easier. come on life, start.

on snow.

2010-11-27T14:21:00.000-08:00

"hey, if you don't mind, please fuck off, on behalf of both me and alice. just... if you're free. fuck off. okay? hey thanks."

- Lauren's expression of anger made my day. There's nothing wrong with a little healthy cussing every now and again.

2010-11-24T15:23:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=981-rAfPtKo

2010-11-24T03:58:00.000-08:00

For the last 3 nights in a row, I have woken up at around 4am crying and shaking, with full believe that my best friend is dead. I read somewhere that when we stop being friends with someone, we mourn them, as if we had lost them, to death or something similarly tragic, in an almost primitive or animalistic way.
This is how I feel today, like i'm missing something or some part of me, and I have a sinking feeling that my dreams will follow me around all day. If only people weren't so selfish.

Bits from my book (5)

2010-11-23T15:02:00.000-08:00

'One reason Helena and I would never be close friends is that I am about half as tall as she. People tend to stuck to their own size group because it's easier on the neck. Unless they are romatically involved, in which case the size difference is sexy. It means: I am willing to go the distance for you.'

From The Shared Piano, in No one belongs here more than you. Stories by Miranda July.

2010-11-21T14:42:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is in novels that make big sisters the good ones, Meg in Little Women, Jane in Pride and Prejudice, Mary in Little House on the Prairie, but they seem to have it pretty accurate, they all (excepting Mary, who I'm pretty sure turns blind) are wise, a good role model, obviously beautiful and feminine,with exquisite manners and dispostion.
My big sister runs parallel to these, and her recent engagement to her very own John Brooke, or Mr Bingley will no doubt be the fairy tale ending which all these lovely older sisters deservingly acheive.

(Also, being the second sister, that leaves a respectable, intelligent and poor Professer Baher for me, or, the charming and rather rich and handsome Mr Darcy, I dont mind waiting around for that, or to live in Pemberley.)

Congratulations Milly.

reference: a pretty average article on famous literary sisters.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2010/jun/03/sisters-literature-fiction

2010-10-17T13:40:00.000-07:00

I am so cold, I wonder how it can be that I am here and not in the Antarctic. going to bed at 9.30 just to try and stay warm...this is only october...how?!
In other news, my lovely mummy sent me the best gift today..a week (++) worth of fantastic good food to look after me, I was so pleased, I cried, then cried again. and then we all clapped after i cooked my first ever roast dinner for 8 people. my mummy makes me want to do nice things for everyone. so I'm starting now, and buying a present for my sister. and probably one for my mummy too.
thank goodness for family and good friends to look after me when i feel this sick.

2010-10-11T16:12:00.000-07:00

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

well said charles dickens.

2010-09-20T15:37:00.000-07:00

New Home, New Room, New Housemates, New Term, New Start, New Course, New Books, New Leaf, Newcastle...you get the theme.

New Address for those letter writers out there: 30 Queens Road, Jesmond, Newcastle, NE2 2PQ

2010-09-20T15:35:00.000-07:00

After a substantial hiatus, the time has come to start blogging again I feel...if for nothing else, than to get my brain back to thinking about words words words before the start of term.

Top 5 Things I'm loving right now:

This is England '86
Interpol
Fight Club
Brogues
Writing Letters

Top 5 Things I'm hating right now:

Cold Feet
The question 'So what do you want to do after uni'
lack of concentration
missing far away friends
shorter days.

2010-08-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

i wonder if anyone i dont know reads this. like how i read blogs of people i dont know (albeit 99% of the time they are shop / art blogs, not personal) i'd kind of like to think so, in a backwards way.

2010-08-23T17:17:00.000-07:00

Jo & I, Aug 2010

2010-08-22T16:35:00.001-07:00

(i dont have anything to write here.)

2010-08-13T03:25:00.000-07:00

me me ME ME me Me

shut up.

2010-08-11T02:42:00.001-07:00

2010-08-11T02:41:00.001-07:00

Au Revoir Simone. (yes please)

2010-07-23T02:37:00.000-07:00

All i want to do is be in New York

2010-07-22T15:56:00.000-07:00

“If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to”

On the whole, I truly believe honesty to be the most challenging, yet rewarding virtue. i spend so much time wishing that people would wear as much as they can possess on their sleeves, whilst i similarly to everyone else in question, keep my sleeves very much hidden by protective, thick knit, brightly coloured woolen shrouds. I guess, like most people I, like everyone else rather arrogantly worry that what I really think, feel, do, will cause others some form of distress, when ultimately, my opinion really is 'invalid' in a society where people possess such a plethora of 'friends' derived mainly from social networking, that one needle in a haystack opinion is quickly neglected and forgotten. I know this makes me seem largely like I have forced myself into a social corner very obviously signposted 'CAUTION - LONER'.
all i'm saying is that I wish that more often it was simple to blurt out my feelings with the knowledge that it could affect someone so much that it would stop them in their tracks for a bit..but sadly, everything seems to get a bit lost as everyone gos about their daily business, and we forget that the time it took for people to gather the courage for 100% honesty, deserves a lot of attention as compensation. i guess no one wants to face up to the truth whether it belongs to us or not.
just to prove the point of not being able to face the truth, or probably more importantly, not wanting to: I had every intention of stating at least 5 'truths' following this blog. but just cant do it. I dont even know why.

2010-07-20T14:33:00.001-07:00

I miss the days of having lots of little things to write, quote and say. when i get over being so tired, i am planning on making thinking my top priority again. roll on the day.

2010-07-13T15:52:00.001-07:00

my new best friends.

2010-06-15T16:34:00.000-07:00

for photos and the like:

alicedewing.tumblr.com

2010-06-14T15:34:00.001-07:00

Newcastle 2009

2010-06-14T15:19:00.000-07:00

Lauren, Paris March 2010 (I miss her!)

2010-06-13T10:51:00.001-07:00

“My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.”
-Kerouac.

2010-05-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

NYC June 2008

I miss New York, I like that we had no money or no real idea what we were doing, and we didn't understand the transport so we walked everywhere. I liked eating at whole foods and in back street restaurants. I liked sitting by the water and admiring the Statue of Liberty rather than visting her. I liked only realising the Empire State Building was the Empire State Building after we'd passed it. I liked how busy the MoMA was and that it didn't have any Jeff Koons in it. I liked the smell of city and clove cigarettes. I liked the book shops and vintage stores and the village. And i really like that I can go back one day.

2010-05-28T05:41:00.001-07:00

Peru 2008

2010-05-27T01:59:00.000-07:00

Bolivia 2008

2010-05-26T17:08:00.003-07:00

Just a hug - Newcastle 2010

2010-05-26T17:06:00.000-07:00

Isn't it sad how often your life depends so much on other people? I honestly can't decide whether I'd rather be selfish and not care, or care a lot and feel inadequate. Tough one.

2010-05-20T14:11:00.001-07:00

I miss taking photos of random crap. if anyone knows where my camera charger is I'll be forever grateful.

Word. (7)

2010-05-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

Solipsism.
- The philosophical idea that only one's own mind is sure to exist; the theory that only the self exists, or can be proved to exist.

- Extreme preoccupation with and indulgence of, one's feelings, desires etc. ego-tistic self-absorption.

Bits from my book (4)

2010-05-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

But when the self speaks to the self, who is speaking? - the entombed soul, the spirit driven in, in , to the central catacomb; the self that took the veil and left the world - a coward perhaps, yet somehow beautiful, as it flits with its lantern relentlessly up and down dark corridors.
-Virginia Woolf, Letters, IV, 27th September, 1930

2010-05-09T15:54:00.001-07:00

-What's wrong with you?

-I don't know, let me think about that. I'll tell you next time I see you

2010-05-09T15:50:00.000-07:00

I remember my friend Lauren once telling me that when she was in pain, she often wished her friends or family could touch the afflicted site and feel for a second what she was going through, so that they could understand. today I wish that more than anything, I wish that i had a family member, or close friend here to give me a big hug, and feel relief at the thought that someone could understand and share how I feel, i think i would sob and sob and sob until I felt empty and satisfied and finally able to sleep. It all comes down to a big squeeze, and I think I really need one.

Tomorrow is the start of an epic couple of weeks of hard graft slogging in the library. my positivity remains within the fact that following that week, my birthday and summer will be here, and I'll have the release I know I need to sort out all my anxiety issues, the shakes, the lack of sleep and concentrate on doing things that I love. Thank God for that.

You Time

2010-05-08T05:07:00.000-07:00

With so much crowding our radar, we tend to focus on whatever's flagging us down with the most urgency. (pick up the kids, return a call, finish a report) But what slips off our mental screen is often just as important: a craving for apples, a nagging ache, a deep desire for an extra hour of sleep. This month, engage your health as enthusiastically as you do everything else. Give well-being your full attention - and get in the habit of taking thoughtful action on your own behalf. It's funny what happens when you commit to looking health in the eye. Life itself has a way of coming into focus.

Things that make feel better during 'me time':
-blaring monsters of folk really loudly
-going for a walk
-writing to do lists and checking everything off
-writing notes and letters and sending parcels
-watching a really good film with a glass of wine
-reading Jack Kerouac
-planning a trip
-listening to plinky plonky music and writing things down / cutting and sticking.
-editing photos.

The things you do during your 'you time' are the things that ultimately shape who you are, and stop you becoming like everyone else, or adopting those habits that you never thought you would. Sometimes its difficult to not become addicted.

2010-04-28T14:54:00.000-07:00

- 'give me one good reason not to do it.'

- 'because i love you.'

2010-04-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

(One fast move or I'm Gone)

April Resolutions.

2010-04-09T06:42:00.000-07:00

- Write 'To Do' lists and stick to them.
- Do at least one creative project a week.
- Give up wheat for a bit.

2010-04-09T06:35:00.000-07:00

I have only cried once in (approximately) 3 months. The question is do I have a heart of stone which deprives me of the ability to generate human emotion or am I just sublimely happy without knowing it?

-I'm not sure which would be sadder.

2010-04-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter All

2010-04-03T13:46:00.000-07:00

Chatsworth 2010

2010-03-23T08:26:00.002-07:00

Itchy Feet.

2010-03-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

I really fancy a new adventure. I always feel this way when something has happened, or not happened, and the future looks slightly misty. Cryptic I know, but also slightly hard to explain. Restlessness creeps up on me, and often it's too late to do much about it other than daydream myself into new places. I can't remember not being happy whilst embarking on an adventure, whether around the world, or just a day trip; for me, in retrospect the low points come as part of the up points, and they all merge together to form a colourful and warm bulletin board of memories. I know that like all things, adventures don't come without dramas, I suppose that's what makes them real..and maybe that's what I love so much about them. I crave them. Changes in scenery, people, air even. It perhaps is really just a craving for new things, new thoughts and ideas, new stories, the ability to form new opinions so that one day I can work out where I really want to be and what I want to do with myself.

Bits from my book (3)

2010-03-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

For the first time in her life she turned with violence against nature. Elk-hounds and rose bushes were about her in profusion. But elk-hounds and rose bushes can none of them read. It is a lementable oversight on the part of Providence which had never struck her before. Human beings alone are thus gifted. Human beings had become necessary.

Orlando - Virginia Woolf

Veganism. Day 14.

2010-03-14T07:21:00.000-07:00

The time has finally come when I can officially put down the soya and pick up the milk, exhange the houmous for the philadelphia and once again satisfy my sweet tooth's endless cravings. I know that my blog postings dramatically came to an end after a week of journaling - i think virginia woolf would be most disappointed at my poor effort - however, i feel this was mainly due to a lack of inspiration more than anything else. Being a vegan as a student proved incredibly difficult, well, maybe not difficult, i'd say more tiresome. not wanting to splash out on thousands of extravagant ingredients for a two week experiment meant that often my meals were roast vegetable and sauce based, not that i didnt vary the ways in which i ate the veggies, but, you know, a roast parsnip is indeed, just a roast parsnip. Although my incredibly bloated stomach has slightly subsided, i havnt noticed any decrease in my weight, disappointingly, i have however acquired a rather strange and slightly alarming case of the shakes, whereby my fingers quiver as though i have aged 80 years in 14 days. I am not sure why this has happenend, to be fair, it could be lack of sleep, but if it were to do with my diet, i would not be surprised if it was through lack of sugar. whilst typing this I have indulged in some rather splendid Jazzles, my favourite white chocolate treats, and althought the taste is sublime, the sugar is making me shake more and i do feel incredibly sick. same gos for milk in my tea, and too much of any form of dairy (I'm writing this a day late, i did infact cease to be vegan yesterday)
Despite all these things, (perhaps i should have stated the positive first) I have enjoyed being vegan, it is kind of exciting, in a sad way, to experiment with diet etc, how have i coped without chocolate? absolutely no problem. How much have i missed fish? a lot, but not enough to send me spiralling into despair. I think removing anything from your diet is easy if you have willpower, which i dont. the only reason i found it easy is because it was a challenge and i had a goal, if i'd condemned myself to suffer a long vegan life, i would have failed miserably..but i am interested to see if i now cut down on sugar etc and continue to eat ryvita, or nuts and raisins as a snack. unlikely - i couldnt do that to Cadbury's profit margins. However, I will say that I have enjoyed the challenge, it has been interesting and increased my awareness regarding my usually awful eating habits. May I remember this for the future and not become carried away by the niggling part of my brain which tricks me into gorging myself with sugary snacks. We shall see.

Veganism. Day 7.

2010-03-07T16:33:00.000-08:00

Eugh, eugh and double eugh. I am so bloated, I can't even look at my tummy in the mirror, every part of me feels like a big balloon. luckily, google searching tells me this is normal, and to drink water, so i am downing it by the pint. how depressing, i thought i'd feel lighter than air, i havnt even eaten anything crappy in a week. what's the deal with that?! hopefully in a day or two it will go down, but til then i'm wearing everything floaty, thank heavens it's spring and sunny and i can get away with that.

i look more like Tweedle-dee or Tweedle-dum than Alice.

2010-03-07T03:54:00.001-08:00

Just for fun.

Veganism. Day 6.

2010-03-07T03:52:00.000-08:00

Eugh. Today I feel as if I had a bag of rocks clattering around in my tummy. So heavy and full, without eating anything. What's the problem with being constantly full? I feel constantly sluggish! - Also, I crave something sweet and comforting. Having Ryvita, or roasted veggies as a snack hardly rocks my world! I think perhaps today was worse as I wasn't feeling very well, and therfore just wanted things which would make me feel better. I suppose the key is just lots of water (and lemsip) and hopefully sunday will be better.
(Sorbet and Alice in Wonderland - who could possibly moan about that!)

Veganism. Day 4 & 5.

2010-03-05T11:18:00.000-08:00

I think my good intentions to keep a regular, daily blog were a bit ambitious.
I am beginning to learn that being a Vegan only really works if one removes oneself from all social situations. Last night we had a dinner party for 10, everyone had meat lasagne (which i wouldn't have been able to eat anyway) so i made my fellow vegan housemate and I a vegan thai green curry (sweet potato, butternut squash, peppers etc) with saffron and ginger rice. although this was delicious and i enjoyed it more than i would have a lasagne, even a vegetarian one, the unwanted attention, constant questions of 'why the hell are you doing this' - followed by 'screw that, i could never even try to give up meat', even before i'd bothered to explain the ethics behind it, drove me slightly mad. in fact no one really wanted to hear the whys and wherefores anyway, so i didnt bother exaplaining.
had the dinner party not been at my own house, i would have felt extremely rude giving my host the extensive (and it is EXTENSIVE) list of things I can not eat. seriously, if i had a soya bean for every ingredient i am excluding from my diet, my veganism would be lifelong. I know it is important to stick to one's views and ideals, but to me, being a vegan is a rather large limitation. What could I eat in a resteraunt for example? - rice?! well, thats exciting! Perhaps to me, veganisim is a prospect that only can exist where possible, if i can leave out the ingredients, well..why not?! but sometimes these things appear to just be unavoidable, and turning down supper invitations is just a challenge too hard to accept.

Veganism. Day 3.

2010-03-03T11:06:00.000-08:00

Nothing unusual to report today. Other than I went out for lunch, and being posed the question 'What do you fancy' - my reply was 'Anything not Vegan - Please'. I know this is naughty, but eating out being my only respite from houmous and roasted veg, i couldn't resist. so we went Yo Sushi. Thank God for the Japanese.

Veganism. Day 2.

2010-03-02T06:35:00.000-08:00

2nd March 2010

I am beginning to enjoy this diet. (I am reluctant to call it a diet however, as I have not cut back on eating AT ALL!) Last night was the first night in a long time I didnt go to bed feeling too full, or like my tummy was bulging with unnecessary sugary snacks, which I know I only eat for comfort - rarely do they ever keep me happy for more than 5 minutes. (however, those 5 minutes I do admit are spent in delirium, and at the time are TOTALLY worth it!) Maybe it's because it's Spring and the sun is shining and I actually felt warm on my way to uni this morning, or maybe it is this healthy feeling (Porridge, Bananas and Lemsip for Breakfast - I WILL shift this flu bug in no time!) but for the first time in a few weeks I have woken up energised and feeling proactive. (I realise that's ridiculous after only one day of healthy eating. so therefore it must be the weather. but whatever - I'm feeling good!) And as I sit in the Library, armed with this weeks novel (Orlando - Virginia Woolf) and a Soya and Linseed bread sandwich (salad, houmous and falafel filling) with an orange for pudding, I feel ever so slightly smug and happy with myself. In your face philadelphia and dairy milk - I can do this!

Evening: 2 trays of roasted vegetables later, i'm set for the week. i'm sure that after this the sight of another roast vegetable will send me shivering to bed with fear and contempt. but for now, bring them on! I've discovered fruit tea is definately the way forward. I havn't had a single drop, teaspoon lick, smell, of caffeine today, for what must be the first day in years, and i've made it wide awake to 12am and still going strong. theres much more to be said for this fruit'n'veg lark than people think.

Tomorrow I am going out for lunch. I couldn't bear to turn down being taking out for lunch not even as a true patriot to my cause. So for the sake of being honest with others, and therefore with myself, i believe the veganism will have to go on a short hiatus, I just don't want to look picky. or as my housemate suggested, 'a cheap date' - I'm going for the lobster!

click here.

2010-03-02T02:35:00.000-08:00

A pretty funny article on my university which has caused much controversy. but i'm pretty sure she's right!

March Resolutions

2010-03-01T14:03:00.000-08:00

~~- Maintain my Veganism for two weeks.~~
~~- Plan fun adventures for Lauren and Jordan's visit.~~
~~- Continue to read every day.~~

Bits from my book (2)

2010-03-01T14:00:00.000-08:00

Now my belief is that this poet who never wrote a word and was buried at the cross-roads stil lives. She lives in you and me, and in many other women who are not here tonight, for they are washing up the dishes and putting the children to bed. But she lives; for great poets do not die; they are continuing preences; they need only the opportunity to walk among as in the flesh. This opportunity, as I think, it is now coming within your power to give her. For my belief is that if we live another century or so - I am talking of the common life which is the real life and not of the little seperate lives which we live as individuals - and have five hundred a year each of us and rooms of our own; if we have the habit of freedom and the courage to write exactly what we think; if we escape from the common sitting-room and see human beings not always in their relation to eachother but in relation to reality; and the sky, too, and the trees or whatever it may be in them selves; if we look past Milton's bogy, for no human being should shut out the view; if we face the fact, for it is a fact, that there is no arm to cling to, but that we go alone and that our relation is to the world of reality and not only to the world of men and women, then the opportuinity will come, and the dead poet who was Shakespeare's sister will put on the body which she has so often laid down. Drawing her life from the lives of the unknown who were her forerunners, as her brother did before her, she will be born.

-From A Room of One's Own - Virginia Woolf. (Essays on Feminism, and the subject of Women's Writing)

Veganism. Day 1.

2010-03-01T07:38:00.000-08:00

1st March 2010

-Today is officially my first day of a meat-free, dairy-free, honey-free, tree-hugging, bare-footed lifestyle. Whilst I have been talking about this quest, (and yes, I will call it a quest as I am praying for some form of fulfillment at the end of the two weeks) for a long time, entering into it has been something I have approached with much trepidation. I realise it is quite an absurd challenge, the differing responses I have received have definately confirmed this, from those who find it interesting (usually already some form of vegetarian) to those who have crinkled their noses, raised their eyebrows and said 'WHY?!' - with that tone of voice that is only ever reserved for those who don't care much for exploring other options. (usually carnivorous beings who have previously questioned my meat-free diet).
I feel it is necessary to state that I 100% understand why people eat meat, I would never argue against hunter/gatherer human instincts, 'it's natural for humans to eat meat, we are animals, part of the food chain' etc etc, or that it tastes good - I often miss sausage sandwiches, and the smell of spaghetti bolognaise brings me pangs of school-dinner nostalgia. My argument is not so much against the ethics of EATING animals, (or now, being vegan, eating animal products) but more against the ethics of the way in which the animals are REARED, and therefore meat is PRODUCED.
In taking on Veganism, I am attempting to understand the reasoning and ethics behind it; how milk, cheese and egg production is often as cruel to the animal/s in question as is the way in which it is slaughtered. How it is important to eat locally to cut on air-mile costs. One of my main concerns regarding meat-eating, (I'm not sure if this solely applies to the UK, but I very much doubt it) is that much of the meat in meat products, chicken burgers, pies etc. rarely comes from our own country, but is flown in from Thailand and other Asian countries, where let's face it, animal production and treatment is very unlikely to allow a gourmet, happy, healthy lifestyle for the poor poultry. The meat is often pumped with water, and therefore with chemicals to retain the water, before being flown thousands of miles to be put in a pie (which can then be advertised as a 'British Pie' due to loopholes in the Law). How's that for a massive increase on your carbon footprint? - As for the argument concerning money saving tactics, there are usually ways to avoid this. I have a market near where I live, selling local produce for probably 1/5 of supermarket prices (including Asda!), so really, for me, there is no excuse, as I'm sure there isn't for many people around our country-there are always ways of finding good, 'happy' produce.

So anyway. Here is the beginning of my two week diary. Bloody typical I decided to start the day after my housemate's Dad donated an extremely large Thornton selection box to the house.

First morning coffee with soya milk - surprisingly tasty, comparable to a rather cold and less satisfying Hazlenut Latte (skinny of course, i went for 2% fat soya milk!) Following this, I had a rather oddly couloured bowl of apple and raisin porridge made with Soya milk, slightly cardboardy, but golden syrup sorted this out. - will i really have to disguise all flavours with heaps of sugar to cope with this?! - My teeth may have fallen out, but at least two weeks worth of environment will have been saved! Alarmingly, the time is now 15.36, and I have made it the morning and the afternoon with barely a pang of hunger. perhaps this is the way forward after all!

I have just discovered JUST how expensive being a vegan is, albeit, i did do my weekly shop in sainsburys (where usually I'd do Asda) but come on...£40 on pretty much fruit and vegetables! - no wonder I can name more celebrity vegans than 'real people'! However, my first Vegan supper was particularly scrummy - Spiced Morroccan couscous, with roasted vegetables, my favourite, and falafal bites, with a slight sprinkling of my new favourite (if not for its slightly 'off parmesan' flavour, then for its hilarious name 'Cheddareese' - i mean, come on!) cheese. Yum. I don't think this will be bad at all. and on the plus side, the only snack i've had today is a Ryvita, where usually I would have had chocolate, biscuits, or some such unforgiving delight.

Not Bad!

2010-02-25T07:25:00.001-08:00

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
-Ernest Hemingway.

Bits from my Book (1)

2010-02-17T06:02:00.000-08:00

His immense self-pity, his demand for sympathy poured and spread itself in pools at her feet, and all she did, miserable sinner that she was, was to draw her skirts a little closer round her ankles, lest she get wet.
-To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf.

How can I control my life, when I can't control my hair?

2010-02-10T15:34:00.000-08:00

This is a picture, in which i look a bit ridic (thanks for spreading that Lauren) with my new hair. i'm worried i look like im trying to be 'scene' with the dark hair and the nose ring, and i barely recognise myself. infact, one of my best friends walked straight past me today, and gave me an odd look due to my cheery smile and awkward wave. i hope i get used to it. i'm getting there! -this is the only photo i have right now!- i was hoping to feel more intelligent, sadly, i dont.

The Kind Life.

2010-02-07T09:59:00.000-08:00

With Lent coming up, (starting next Wed) I've been thinking about things I can/ can't live without, or things i indulge too much in. (Last year, I gave up crisps and houmous, and spent the whole 40 days and 40 nights longing for salt and that immediate satisfaction received from the beautiful crunch of a sea salt and cracked black pepper Kettle Chip- so much so, that i seem to remember having a moment of crazed deprivement, in which i dipped my hand in the bag before licking the salt and flavouring off my fingers...that doesn't quite count as cheating right?!)

However, this was surprisingly unchallenging, and not as hard as i expected, perhaps i have more will power than i thought, or perhaps, i don't need some of the things i really think i can't live without.

So in the light of this, i will be challenging myself to two weeks of Veganism, (beginning when all the dairy products in my fridge-and trust me, theres a hell of a lot of cheese and yoghurt in there, has all been finished.)

I dont expect to remain a vegan forever, I think i'd end up spending an absurd amount on spray tans, but i'm interested in seeing why it is that people take on this seemingly large dietry restriction, and what difference will it make to my health, mentally, physically etc. I'm actually pretty excited about this, or just trying it..something new to focus on etc.

I will be taking tips from Alicia Silverstone at http://www.thekindlife.com/

Wish me luck, and watch this space to see how i'm getting on!

February Resolutions

2010-02-01T10:44:00.001-08:00

~~Read at least a little every day.~~
~~Get in touch with old friends~~
~~Write Letters~~
Manage my money better.

2010-02-01T10:43:00.000-08:00

'Look within and life, it seems, is very far from being 'like this'/ Examine for a moment an ordinary mind on an ordinary day. The mind receives a myriad of impressions -- trivial, fantastic, evanescent, or engraved with the sharpness of steel. From all sides they come, an incessant shower or unnumerable atoms; amd as they fall, as they shape themselves into the life of Monday or Tuesday, the accent falls differently from of old; the moment of importance came not here but there; so that if a writer were a free man and not a slave, if he could write what he chose, not what he must, if he could base his work uon his own feeling and not upon convention, there would be no plot, no comedy, no tragedy, no love interest or catastrophe in the accepted style, and perhaps not a single button sewed on as the Bond Street tailors would have it. Life is not a series of gig lamps symmetrically arranged; life is a luminous halo, a semi-transparent envelope surrounding us from the beginning of conciousness to the end.'

-Virginia Woolf, 1925

Greeting our friends from across the pond.

2010-01-31T15:00:00.000-08:00

a pretty poor man's attempt at an American-themed outfit, but an attempt none-the-less.

2010-01-31T02:47:00.000-08:00

This is my friend Lauren, I stole this photo from her facebook, because I'm a theif, but I'm sure she wont mind because my intention is good.

Lauren is the most thoughtful person I think I know, I dont think I know anyone who talks about themself less, and others more, and in that way, she is very selfless.

The way in which Lauren and I know eachother is strange, and I do not judge people for finding it unusual in the slightest, but Lauren is, I believe a great testiment to the fact that something good usually comes from something bad.

I love our letters, parcels, facebook chats, skype meetings and late night FRIENDS you-tube sessions.

I pretty much think she is pure good.

(I know it sounds like i have a crush, but, well, who cares?!)

2010-01-25T08:52:00.000-08:00

The time has come for all the fun and games to subside slightly as a new semester begins. i wish i could find the perfect balance - sometimes at uni i have out-of-control fun, (see above.) and sometimes, i feel ever-so-lonely. (see me right now) i'm looking forward to finding a happy medium and discovering where i feel just right. if that ever happens. sometimes up and downs are fun. and you probably can't have the highs without the lows. so. that's that really. i'll just be a middle man for a while longer.

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want..

2010-01-17T03:29:00.001-08:00

..and what I want is YOU Luella LBD

2010-01-14T16:20:00.000-08:00

confusion is a disgusting thing that should only be reserved for those who deserve it.

Starting 2010 singing along to:

2010-01-13T01:52:00.000-08:00

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Way Out
She & Him - Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want (Smiths Cover)
Racing Like A Pro - The National
Camera Talk - Local Natives
The Sandman, The Brakeman and Me - Monsters of Folk
No Lies, Just Love - Bright Eyes

2010-01-09T06:46:00.001-08:00

2010-01-06T08:26:00.001-08:00

Procrastination Station

I wish you never existed.

2010-01-04T17:01:00.000-08:00

i want everything to look like the sixties.

January.

2010-01-04T15:34:00.000-08:00

I have just deleted my New Year's Resolutions, after re-reading them, i realised that although they are all probably acheivable, i'd have to be a super woman with heaps of time on my hands, so instead, i prefer the idea of monthly goals, or resolutions, because I like the idea of feeling as if i have acheived something and as much as i love ambition, in this case realism is probably more fulfilling.

So without further ado, January Goals:

~~1) Hand in an essay I am proud of, revise hard for my exams.~~
2~~) Cook dinner for a friend~~
3) Get photos printed and ~~make a wall collage.~~

2010-01-01T15:03:00.000-08:00

one of my favourite feelings is when you hang out with friends and tell them the odd thoughts that hang out in your brain, and then they admit to thinking them too. then you realise that you are wierd, but your friends are wierd too so it must be ok. i would hate to hang out with people that didnt have thoughts.

A bit of extra cheese as an afterthought -

"It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about." - Dale Carnegie

I love this photo that Christian took at Camber Sands, perhaps even a year ago to the day. It seems to fit this quote perfectly, I'm not sure if he'd like my editing much, but the whole thing reminds me of listening to The Beatles and Conor Oberst and having a good friend with equally good thoughts and ideas.

Kimble.

2010-01-01T12:23:00.000-08:00

December 2009. - A very lovely lady.

Some good advice.

2009-12-29T15:54:00.000-08:00

'nothing should ever be awkward unless you make it so'
- this has helped me through some rather uncomfortable social situations, and whenever i feel slightly out of my depth, or like a circumstance is much bigger than i am, i try and remember it, and can usually find something to say. i hope it helps others too, its the most helpful piece of advice (if you can call it advice) i have received all year.

Re-Cap

2009-12-28T16:44:00.000-08:00

Last Years Resolutions:

Things to Do in 2009

learn how to play Backgammon -nope.
visit the boy in new york - nope
visit edinburgh and durham - nope and yes.
improve my photography skills - a little
write my blog - yes
join some societies/mix it up - nope and yes

Whoops.

2009.

2009-12-27T17:41:00.000-08:00

So this year has been a strange one-full of ups and downs, insecurities, and new developments or changes. As the Queen suggested in her Christmas day speech, perhaps 2009 is year better left forgotten, or perhaps not. Maybe one day I shall look back on this year with great fondness, remembering the angst, uncertainty and the pains of 'first love's fresh sting' as part of a learning curve, that will one day shape who, or what I am. I know one day I will laugh, and I don't think I will regret in the future, or do regret now, anything I have done this year. I feel I have grown a lot in the space of a year, of 6 months even, from a over attatched and overly sentimental girl, to a more independent, free-thinking, (still a girl) person who can't imagine ever losing her sense of self so much again.
In this year I have:
learned, sang loudly, jumped around, ran, over-loved, over-hated, over-killed, laughed until I cried, cried until I laughed, anticipated an end, felt an end, suffered an end, had a birthday, had two surprise parties,never appreciated my friends more, went to a ball, used work as a distraction, wanted to go home, wanted to leave home, uncovered truths, suffered uncovered truths, had the best day of my year in my back garden, never loved friends more, moaned, walked for a week in the lake district, dated, ate, drank, danced, laughed, photographed, discovered and fell in love with Kerouac, worked, left home, moved into a new house, partied, saw and stopped seeing for no reason, felt nothing, felt everything, angrily smashed plates in a back alley, cut ties, missed ties, worked, performed, volunteered, took on new responsibilities, tried hard, didnt try at all, read, learned, built bridges, cared too much, stopped caring all together, cooked, surprised, had sleepovers, stayed up all night talking, stayed up all night dancing, found new confidence, used it, had luck with boys, had no luck with boys, had luck with girls, had no luck with girls, used my youth, felt my age, road tripped, danced for days, felt free, felt constrained, fallen in love for an evening/day, fallen out of love, worked, stopped working, felt out of my comfort zone, got a piercing, said 'enough', travelled home, worked worked worked, reconnected with old friends, cooked great food, ate great food, felt a hole, filled a hole, felt confused, seen clarity, felt confused again, celebrated, moaned, felt alive, felt blank, felt everything again, read, enjoyed, loved.

This year I have spent a large amount of time working out who my friends are and what they mean to me, and then trying hard to invest in them, the way in which i love people may often seem misguided, misfitting, confused, confusing, overzealous even, but at least it's love: and i hope this recognition of emotion carries on forever. I take great comfort in my belief that things happen for a reason, and even in the saddest of times, something great will happen as a result. This year I have learned a hell of a lot more about myself than I ever knew before; I may not know exactly who I am, or who I would like to be yet, but I know what I like and who I like etc. for now. I am finding being young exciting - unnerving, but exciting, and although at times I feel confused and scared, I sort of think that's quite exciting too.

Word. (6)

2009-12-27T05:35:00.000-08:00

Overzealous
(O-Ver-Zeal-Ous)

Excessively Enthusiastic; marked by excessive enthusiasm for and intense devotion to a cause or idea.

2009-12-27T05:31:00.000-08:00

'Action is the antidote to despair.'
-John Baez.

Festive 5.

2009-12-25T16:13:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Festive 4.

2009-12-23T11:57:00.000-08:00

Our Christmas Room

I love the reflection of all the lights in the windows, it makes Christmas go on and on and on into the dark garden.

Festive 3.

2009-12-21T15:57:00.000-08:00

he's warm, grumpy and is a rubbish attempt at a dog, but he always cheers one up, and he loves wrapping paper.

Festive 2.

2009-12-20T16:47:00.000-08:00

my favourite christmas-time film

'Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents' grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.'

Everything about this book and film fills me with joy, when we were younger milly and I rented it from movie mania 12 times. all that snow and innocent youthfulness makes me so happy. plus its romantic. plus it has Christian Bale in it.

Festive 1.

2009-12-19T08:44:00.000-08:00

Amazing Grace - Listen here.

bah humbug.

2009-12-19T08:37:00.000-08:00

No one seems to be feeling particularly festive this year, whether its because everyone feels overloaded with work rather than cheer or just we are all becoming too cynical in our aging, it simply is just depressing. so in my attempt to force myself into my usual festive state of being, every day until the joyful day arrives, I intend to post something which reminds me of just how exciting Christmas is.

m.j

2009-12-15T17:16:00.000-08:00

I should not be allowed to dance, am beginning to consider asking my dad for tips. rock bottom situation.

Oh Shakespeare!

2009-12-08T03:59:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I will be performing the following speech much to my horror and ever growing anxiety. If I don't remember this speech for the next 5 years (at least) I will be severely put out.

The Mercy that was quick in us but late, by your own counsel is suppressed and killed. You must not dare for shame to talk of mercy, for your own reasons turn into your bosoms as dogs upon their masters, worrying you. See you my princes and my noble peers, these English Monsters! My Lord of Cambridge here, you know how apt our love was to accord, to furnish him with all appertinents belonging to his honour. But this man hath, for a few light crowns, lightly conspired and sworn unto the practices of France to kill us here in Hampton. To the which, this Knight, no less for bounty bound to us than Cambridge is, hath likewise sworn. But oh, what shall I say to thee Lord Scroop, thou cruel, savage, inhuman and ingrateful creature?! Thou that didst bear the key to all my counsels, that knewest the very bottom of my soul, that almost mighst have coined me into gold. Wouldst thou have practised on me for thy use? May it be possible that foreign hire could out of thee extract one spark of evil to annoy my finger? Thou hast 'gainst all proportion brought in wonder to wait on treason and on murder, and whatsoever cunning fiend it was that hath wrought upon thee so proposterously hath got the voice in hell for excellence. He that hath tempered thee, bade thee stand up. Gave the no instance why thou shouldst do treason unless to dub thee with thy name of traitor. And if that same demon that hath gulled thee thus should with his lion's gait walk the whole world, he might return to vasty Tartar back, and tell the legions 'never can I win a soul so Easy as that Englishman's'. Oh how hast thou with jealousy infected the sweetness of affiance! Show men dutiful? Why so didst thou. Seem they grave and learned? Why so didst thou. Come they from noble family? Why so didst thou. Seem they religious? Why so didst thou? Or are they spare in diet, free from gross passion or of mirth of anger, constant in spirit, not swerving with the blood, garnished and decked in modest complement, not working with the eye without the ear, and but in purged judgement trusting neither? Such and so finely bolted didst thou seem, and thus thy fall hath left a kind of blot to mark the full fraught man and must be endued with some suspicion. I will weep for thee. For this revolt of thine, methinks, is like another fall of man. Their faults are open! Arrest them to the answer of the law, and God acquit them of theur practices!

-Henry V, Act II, Scene II.

Wish me Luck!