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'nothing should ever be awkward unless you make it so'
- this has helped me through some rather uncomfortable social situations, and whenever i feel slightly out of my depth, or like a circumstance is much bigger than i am, i try and remember it, and can usually find something to say. i hope it helps others too, its the most helpful piece of advice (if you can call it advice) i have received all year.
Re-Cap
Last Years Resolutions:
Things to Do in 2009
Things to Do in 2009
- learn how to play Backgammon -nope.
- visit the boy in new york - nope
- visit edinburgh and durham - nope and yes.
- improve my photography skills - a little
- write my blog - yes
- join some societies/mix it up - nope and yes
2009.
So this year has been a strange one-full of ups and downs, insecurities, and new developments or changes. As the Queen suggested in her Christmas day speech, perhaps 2009 is year better left forgotten, or perhaps not. Maybe one day I shall look back on this year with great fondness, remembering the angst, uncertainty and the pains of 'first love's fresh sting' as part of a learning curve, that will one day shape who, or what I am. I know one day I will laugh, and I don't think I will regret in the future, or do regret now, anything I have done this year. I feel I have grown a lot in the space of a year, of 6 months even, from a over attatched and overly sentimental girl, to a more independent, free-thinking, (still a girl) person who can't imagine ever losing her sense of self so much again.
In this year I have:
learned, sang loudly, jumped around, ran, over-loved, over-hated, over-killed, laughed until I cried, cried until I laughed, anticipated an end, felt an end, suffered an end, had a birthday, had two surprise parties,never appreciated my friends more, went to a ball, used work as a distraction, wanted to go home, wanted to leave home, uncovered truths, suffered uncovered truths, had the best day of my year in my back garden, never loved friends more, moaned, walked for a week in the lake district, dated, ate, drank, danced, laughed, photographed, discovered and fell in love with Kerouac, worked, left home, moved into a new house, partied, saw and stopped seeing for no reason, felt nothing, felt everything, angrily smashed plates in a back alley, cut ties, missed ties, worked, performed, volunteered, took on new responsibilities, tried hard, didnt try at all, read, learned, built bridges, cared too much, stopped caring all together, cooked, surprised, had sleepovers, stayed up all night talking, stayed up all night dancing, found new confidence, used it, had luck with boys, had no luck with boys, had luck with girls, had no luck with girls, used my youth, felt my age, road tripped, danced for days, felt free, felt constrained, fallen in love for an evening/day, fallen out of love, worked, stopped working, felt out of my comfort zone, got a piercing, said 'enough', travelled home, worked worked worked, reconnected with old friends, cooked great food, ate great food, felt a hole, filled a hole, felt confused, seen clarity, felt confused again, celebrated, moaned, felt alive, felt blank, felt everything again, read, enjoyed, loved.
This year I have spent a large amount of time working out who my friends are and what they mean to me, and then trying hard to invest in them, the way in which i love people may often seem misguided, misfitting, confused, confusing, overzealous even, but at least it's love: and i hope this recognition of emotion carries on forever. I take great comfort in my belief that things happen for a reason, and even in the saddest of times, something great will happen as a result. This year I have learned a hell of a lot more about myself than I ever knew before; I may not know exactly who I am, or who I would like to be yet, but I know what I like and who I like etc. for now. I am finding being young exciting - unnerving, but exciting, and although at times I feel confused and scared, I sort of think that's quite exciting too.
In this year I have:
learned, sang loudly, jumped around, ran, over-loved, over-hated, over-killed, laughed until I cried, cried until I laughed, anticipated an end, felt an end, suffered an end, had a birthday, had two surprise parties,never appreciated my friends more, went to a ball, used work as a distraction, wanted to go home, wanted to leave home, uncovered truths, suffered uncovered truths, had the best day of my year in my back garden, never loved friends more, moaned, walked for a week in the lake district, dated, ate, drank, danced, laughed, photographed, discovered and fell in love with Kerouac, worked, left home, moved into a new house, partied, saw and stopped seeing for no reason, felt nothing, felt everything, angrily smashed plates in a back alley, cut ties, missed ties, worked, performed, volunteered, took on new responsibilities, tried hard, didnt try at all, read, learned, built bridges, cared too much, stopped caring all together, cooked, surprised, had sleepovers, stayed up all night talking, stayed up all night dancing, found new confidence, used it, had luck with boys, had no luck with boys, had luck with girls, had no luck with girls, used my youth, felt my age, road tripped, danced for days, felt free, felt constrained, fallen in love for an evening/day, fallen out of love, worked, stopped working, felt out of my comfort zone, got a piercing, said 'enough', travelled home, worked worked worked, reconnected with old friends, cooked great food, ate great food, felt a hole, filled a hole, felt confused, seen clarity, felt confused again, celebrated, moaned, felt alive, felt blank, felt everything again, read, enjoyed, loved.
This year I have spent a large amount of time working out who my friends are and what they mean to me, and then trying hard to invest in them, the way in which i love people may often seem misguided, misfitting, confused, confusing, overzealous even, but at least it's love: and i hope this recognition of emotion carries on forever. I take great comfort in my belief that things happen for a reason, and even in the saddest of times, something great will happen as a result. This year I have learned a hell of a lot more about myself than I ever knew before; I may not know exactly who I am, or who I would like to be yet, but I know what I like and who I like etc. for now. I am finding being young exciting - unnerving, but exciting, and although at times I feel confused and scared, I sort of think that's quite exciting too.
Word. (6)
Overzealous
(O-Ver-Zeal-Ous)
Excessively Enthusiastic; marked by excessive enthusiasm for and intense devotion to a cause or idea.
(O-Ver-Zeal-Ous)
Excessively Enthusiastic; marked by excessive enthusiasm for and intense devotion to a cause or idea.
Festive 4.
Our Christmas Room
I love the reflection of all the lights in the windows, it makes Christmas go on and on and on into the dark garden.
Festive 3.
he's warm, grumpy and is a rubbish attempt at a dog, but he always cheers one up, and he loves wrapping paper.
Festive 2.
'Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents' grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.'
Everything about this book and film fills me with joy, when we were younger milly and I rented it from movie mania 12 times. all that snow and innocent youthfulness makes me so happy. plus its romantic. plus it has Christian Bale in it.
bah humbug.
No one seems to be feeling particularly festive this year, whether its because everyone feels overloaded with work rather than cheer or just we are all becoming too cynical in our aging, it simply is just depressing. so in my attempt to force myself into my usual festive state of being, every day until the joyful day arrives, I intend to post something which reminds me of just how exciting Christmas is.
m.j
I should not be allowed to dance, am beginning to consider asking my dad for tips. rock bottom situation.
Oh Shakespeare!
Tomorrow I will be performing the following speech much to my horror and ever growing anxiety. If I don't remember this speech for the next 5 years (at least) I will be severely put out.
The Mercy that was quick in us but late, by your own counsel is suppressed and killed. You must not dare for shame to talk of mercy, for your own reasons turn into your bosoms as dogs upon their masters, worrying you. See you my princes and my noble peers, these English Monsters! My Lord of Cambridge here, you know how apt our love was to accord, to furnish him with all appertinents belonging to his honour. But this man hath, for a few light crowns, lightly conspired and sworn unto the practices of France to kill us here in Hampton. To the which, this Knight, no less for bounty bound to us than Cambridge is, hath likewise sworn. But oh, what shall I say to thee Lord Scroop, thou cruel, savage, inhuman and ingrateful creature?! Thou that didst bear the key to all my counsels, that knewest the very bottom of my soul, that almost mighst have coined me into gold. Wouldst thou have practised on me for thy use? May it be possible that foreign hire could out of thee extract one spark of evil to annoy my finger? Thou hast 'gainst all proportion brought in wonder to wait on treason and on murder, and whatsoever cunning fiend it was that hath wrought upon thee so proposterously hath got the voice in hell for excellence. He that hath tempered thee, bade thee stand up. Gave the no instance why thou shouldst do treason unless to dub thee with thy name of traitor. And if that same demon that hath gulled thee thus should with his lion's gait walk the whole world, he might return to vasty Tartar back, and tell the legions 'never can I win a soul so Easy as that Englishman's'. Oh how hast thou with jealousy infected the sweetness of affiance! Show men dutiful? Why so didst thou. Seem they grave and learned? Why so didst thou. Come they from noble family? Why so didst thou. Seem they religious? Why so didst thou? Or are they spare in diet, free from gross passion or of mirth of anger, constant in spirit, not swerving with the blood, garnished and decked in modest complement, not working with the eye without the ear, and but in purged judgement trusting neither? Such and so finely bolted didst thou seem, and thus thy fall hath left a kind of blot to mark the full fraught man and must be endued with some suspicion. I will weep for thee. For this revolt of thine, methinks, is like another fall of man. Their faults are open! Arrest them to the answer of the law, and God acquit them of theur practices!
-Henry V, Act II, Scene II.
Wish me Luck!
The Mercy that was quick in us but late, by your own counsel is suppressed and killed. You must not dare for shame to talk of mercy, for your own reasons turn into your bosoms as dogs upon their masters, worrying you. See you my princes and my noble peers, these English Monsters! My Lord of Cambridge here, you know how apt our love was to accord, to furnish him with all appertinents belonging to his honour. But this man hath, for a few light crowns, lightly conspired and sworn unto the practices of France to kill us here in Hampton. To the which, this Knight, no less for bounty bound to us than Cambridge is, hath likewise sworn. But oh, what shall I say to thee Lord Scroop, thou cruel, savage, inhuman and ingrateful creature?! Thou that didst bear the key to all my counsels, that knewest the very bottom of my soul, that almost mighst have coined me into gold. Wouldst thou have practised on me for thy use? May it be possible that foreign hire could out of thee extract one spark of evil to annoy my finger? Thou hast 'gainst all proportion brought in wonder to wait on treason and on murder, and whatsoever cunning fiend it was that hath wrought upon thee so proposterously hath got the voice in hell for excellence. He that hath tempered thee, bade thee stand up. Gave the no instance why thou shouldst do treason unless to dub thee with thy name of traitor. And if that same demon that hath gulled thee thus should with his lion's gait walk the whole world, he might return to vasty Tartar back, and tell the legions 'never can I win a soul so Easy as that Englishman's'. Oh how hast thou with jealousy infected the sweetness of affiance! Show men dutiful? Why so didst thou. Seem they grave and learned? Why so didst thou. Come they from noble family? Why so didst thou. Seem they religious? Why so didst thou? Or are they spare in diet, free from gross passion or of mirth of anger, constant in spirit, not swerving with the blood, garnished and decked in modest complement, not working with the eye without the ear, and but in purged judgement trusting neither? Such and so finely bolted didst thou seem, and thus thy fall hath left a kind of blot to mark the full fraught man and must be endued with some suspicion. I will weep for thee. For this revolt of thine, methinks, is like another fall of man. Their faults are open! Arrest them to the answer of the law, and God acquit them of theur practices!
-Henry V, Act II, Scene II.
Wish me Luck!
Word. (5.)
Charismatic
char-is-mat-ic
1.Of, relating to, or characterised by charisma (a personal magnetivity or charm)
2.Possessing an extraordinary ability to attract
'There aren't many strong or charismatic candidates today, because many people can't withstand the scrutiny. '
-Tom Ford
'That's the thing about charisma, It makes everyone believe. But there is nothing impossible, When I'm with you and when you're with me'
-Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band.
char-is-mat-ic
1.Of, relating to, or characterised by charisma (a personal magnetivity or charm)
2.Possessing an extraordinary ability to attract
'There aren't many strong or charismatic candidates today, because many people can't withstand the scrutiny. '
-Tom Ford
'That's the thing about charisma, It makes everyone believe. But there is nothing impossible, When I'm with you and when you're with me'
-Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band.
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