NYC June 2008

I miss New York, I like that we had no money or no real idea what we were doing, and we didn't understand the transport so we walked everywhere. I liked eating at whole foods and in back street restaurants.  I liked sitting by the water and admiring the Statue of Liberty rather than visting her. I liked only realising the Empire State Building was the Empire State Building after we'd passed it.  I liked how busy the MoMA was and that it didn't have any Jeff Koons in it.  I liked the smell of city and clove cigarettes. I liked the book shops and vintage stores and the village. And i really like that I can go back one day.

Peru 2008

Bolivia 2008

Just a hug - Newcastle 2010

Isn't it sad how often your life depends so much on other people? I honestly can't decide whether I'd rather be selfish and not care, or care a lot and feel inadequate. Tough one.

I miss taking photos of random crap. if anyone knows where my camera charger is I'll be forever grateful.

Word. (7)

Solipsism.
-  The philosophical idea that only one's own mind is sure to exist; the theory that only the self exists, or can be proved to exist.

- Extreme preoccupation with and indulgence of, one's feelings, desires etc. ego-tistic self-absorption.

Bits from my book (4)

But when the self speaks to the self, who is speaking? - the entombed soul, the spirit driven in, in , to the central catacomb; the self that took the veil and left the world - a coward perhaps, yet somehow beautiful, as it flits with its lantern relentlessly up and down dark corridors.
-Virginia Woolf, Letters, IV, 27th September, 1930

-What's wrong with you?

-I don't know, let me think about that. I'll tell you next time I see you

I remember my friend Lauren once telling me that when she was in pain, she often wished her friends or family could touch the afflicted site and feel for a second what she was going through, so that they could understand. today I wish that more than anything, I wish that i had a family member, or close friend here to give me a big hug, and feel relief at the thought that someone could understand and share how I feel, i think i would sob and sob and sob until I felt empty and satisfied and finally able to sleep. It all comes down to a big squeeze, and I think I really need one.

Tomorrow is the start of an epic couple of weeks of hard graft slogging in the library. my positivity remains within the fact that following that week, my birthday and summer will be here, and I'll have the release I know I need to sort out all my anxiety issues, the shakes, the lack of sleep and concentrate on doing things that I love. Thank God for that.

You Time

With so much crowding our radar, we tend to focus on whatever's flagging us down with the most urgency. (pick up the kids, return a call, finish a report)  But what slips off our mental screen is often just as important: a craving for apples, a nagging ache, a deep desire for an extra hour of sleep.  This month, engage your health as enthusiastically as you do everything else.  Give well-being your full attention - and get in the habit of taking thoughtful action on your own behalf.  It's funny what happens when you commit to looking health in the eye.  Life itself has a way of coming into focus.

Things that make feel better during 'me time':
-blaring monsters of folk really loudly
-going for a walk
-writing to do lists and checking everything off
-writing notes and letters and sending parcels
-watching a really good film with a glass of wine
-reading Jack Kerouac
-planning a trip
-listening to plinky plonky music and writing things down / cutting and sticking.
-editing photos.

The things you do during your 'you time' are the things that ultimately shape who you are, and stop you becoming like everyone else, or adopting those habits that you never thought you would. Sometimes its difficult to not become addicted.